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Madeline was the happiest child I have ever met. She had a smile for everyone, but she saved her biggest smiles for her family. Her personality was enormous and her laugh was contagious. She loved to play with her dog and dolls, and banging on her mini piano was one of her favorite things to do. Her other favorite thing was snuggling with me and her dad.

My favorite time of day with Maddie was the mornings. I am not a morning person, but she was. She'd wake up and lay there quietly for a bit. Then I'd hear her start whispering "hi" over and over again. As soon as she saw me, she'd sit straight up and say "hi" really loud, and then lean toward me for a hug and a kiss.

It was fantastic. I never thought I'd want or even enjoy being a stay at home mom, but being with her was amazing. I couldn't believe that it was my job to care for this amazing child. She brought not only my husband and me so much joy, but our extended family and friends as well. Maddie was the first baby in many of my friendship circles and she was just doted on by everyone.

This last year has been very surreal. I still can't believe this is my life. I can't believe I will never see my daughter grow up, or hear her voice or laugh ever again. There are days that are so hard I can hardly breathe. I get through those days because of 2 things — my 2 daughters. I survive because if I gave up, it would be disrespecting Madeline — she lives on through me and her dad. And I survive because I have Maddie's sister Annabel. Annabel has saved my life in so many ways.

A few things. The first few reasons are selfish. I want people to remember my daughter. I want her name to be recognized. I want her to make a difference. I blog to get my feelings out there. I want people to see that grief is messy and difficult and you have horrible thoughts and desires. It isn't something you ever get over. Grieving is a life-long process. In the course of blogging for myself, I started to receive emails, hundreds of them, from other grieving parents, aunts, grandfathers, etc., thanking me for what I was writing. They told me that my words made them feel less alone, or helped them understand what their sister/friend/daughter etc. was going through. So now I blog for not only myself and my daughters, but for the other families walking this road.

It's really amazing. Detractors of the Internet and the blogging community are so quick to jump on the bad things, but I always point to the support my family received. Grief is a very lonely and isolating thing, but I seriously shudder to think how lonely this life would be without the support and love we've received from the Internet. In total, over $100,000 was raised in my daughter's name. That is amazing.

I continue to be a huge advocate for the March of Dimes. We credit the medical advances their funding made possible for the 17 months we had with our daughter. My husband and I always said we would do everything we could to give back to them, and our desire to do that has only grown stronger since Maddie passed away. I am a family volunteer, and I speak on behalf of the March of Dimes whenever I am offered the opportunity.

I go to therapy. I resisted it at first, but now that I go it has made a big difference. I also do a lot of writing that I never put on the blog. I have so many emotions and traumas that I have to work through. I have a lot of post-traumatic stress and it's very messy and confusing. I also use photography as a stress release. I take pictures of the things that I think Madeline would have loved, and then I talk to her about them. Someday, I'll be able to show those pictures to her little sister.

Annabel is our savior. After Madeline died, we had no idea what we were going to do, how we were going to go on with living. When I became pregnant with Annabel, my family had hope again — a reason to go on. And now that she's here, we feel happiness again. There is still a tremendous sadness in our life, but Annabel is pure joy.

I would first just want to hug them, and tell them that I understand and that I am so sorry. Then I would tell them to cry when they need to. It's OK to laugh sometimes. Try not to feel guilty if you have a moment where you aren't feeling overwhelming sadness. You'll have days where you can only lay in bed and cry, and there will be other days where you physically cannot cry anymore. And I would tell them that they have to keep on living — that their child now lives on through them, and they are still mothers no matter if they have other children or not. You are still parenting your child, just in a very different way. There are a lot of support groups out there, and they should know that even though grief is horrible and isolating, they aren't alone.